Fiend Club

 

 

 

 

You're Only Young But You're Gonna Die

Dell Horror Paperbacks

Venerable paperback publisher Dell Books offered some pretty great cover art throughout the 1970s and '80s, dramatic and creepy and sometimes even classy! Love the little boy skull for Entombed - perfect horror paperback imagery.

Supernatural sex! Hells yeah. A lovely cover for Rick DeMarinis's A Lovely Monster. This one is, from what I gather, a literary, metafictional reimagining of the Frankenstein story. I think. 

Not too much going on here. I've enjoyed a few Farris novels and began reading this a few months ago, but the story really didn't grab me at all. Great title for a horror novel, though - Catacombs. You never know what you're gonna find in 'em.

 

 

These two by Richard Lortz are now on my to-read list; I find the title Lovers Living, Lovers Dead particularly intriguing. Children of the Night, sure, ok, pretty cliched title, but I like the off-kilter photography and even the plastic fangs.

'80s hair, check; glowering stare, check; glowing demon face medallion, check. All good here!
 

Famed illustrator Boris Vallejo applies his instantly recognizable style to the "evil child" trope. Weird science-fictiony title though.

Oh the trippy '60s! Not my favorite cover, but I do so love a satanic feast.

Guy N. Smith Sucks

Well, he doesn't really. But you know what I mean.

I had such high hopes for October - a classic King review, a classic Bradbury review, some vintage pulps and '80s anthologies - but alas, they will not be. Instead, I'll postpone them till after the Halloween party the GF and I are preparing, which is occupying most of my time this month. So for now, enjoy these lurid and lovely Guy N. Smith covers!

Animalize!

It began, of course, with Jaws: the horror of our animal brethren rising against us, their appetite unending, teeth/fangs/mandibles/stingers at the ready, no matter whether they were mammal, reptile, fish, or insect. The bookstore shelves of the '70s and '80s were loaded with these cheap paperbacks, and Signet Books featured some really, really fantastic covers. Feast yourselves!

 

 

The Crabtastic Mr. Smith: The Dell Paperback Covers of The Crabs Series

For your crustacean delectation, I present these paperback editions of Guy N. Smith's infamously crass yet undeniably charming Crabs series. Which is about giant man-eating crabs. Which of course you knew. Originally published in England by New English Library and Grafton, during the late 1980s the series was repackaged for American consumption by Dell. To which I'm sure pulp-horror fans shouted a heartfelt Huzzah!

At the top, you'll see Night of the Crabs (UK 1976/Dell 1989) The original (but not the first published in the States; that was Killer Crabs). But this cover doesn't give you a sense of scale so there's no way to know that they're GIANT CRABS. Boo. But check this out!

Killer Crabs (UK 1978/Dell 1989) Okay, here you can see this is a GIANT CRAB. Also, I'm assuming, a KILLER CRAB. Read it early this year.

The Origin of the Crabs (UK 1979/ Dell 1988) The crabs have crossed the pond!

Crabs on the Rampage (UK 1981/Dell 1988) Is that crab drooling?

Crabs' Moon (UK 1984/Dell 1988) Now that's an ENORMOUS CRAB! But what makes me happiest about this cover is the correct use of the plural possessive apostrophe, which is quickly becoming obsolete because people are illiterate.

Crabs: The Human Sacrifice (UK 1988/Dell 1989) What the eff is going on here?! Why is a GIANT CRAB using a knife?! Why is it sacrificing anything? Is it a special ritual knife the crabs brought over from Old Blighty? Does anybody know? Most of these Dell editions are collectors' items and not easily found; I don't think I'm gonna spend $20 to find out. However, they are available as something called an "ebook" which I'm led to believe is a book that is not printed on paper between two cardboard covers and that you can't find after diligent searches in musty old used bookstores. That, truly, is a tale of horror unlike any I've ever known...

The crabtastic Mr. Smith himself

Killer Crabs by Guy N. Smith (1978): Death Comes Clicking

Prolific British pulp-horror writer Guy N. Smith's second novel in his infamous Crabs saga - although the first published in the United States - is a slim and fast-moving account of seriously gigantic, man-eating crabs invading a resort island off Australia's Great Barrier Reef. Now you may not believe me and it may disappoint you to hear it, but Killer Crabs (Signet Dec 1979) is not the outrageously trashy and poorly-written horror novel I'd expected. Yes, it is trashy and yes, there's a lot of bad writing, but at no point did I practically exclaim aloud, "Get the fuck outta here with this shit!" or "You gotta be kidding me!" or some other bit of disbelief. Nope, Killer Crabs is just a run-of-the-mill '70s horror novel in the "giant monster" or "nature running amok" traditions. Pincers sever limbs, entrails are devoured, buildings destroyed, watch out, here they come: Click, click, clickety-click...

I can only imagine these books became "famous" because Smith kept the shtick going over half a dozen novels and a few short stories. Maybe as the years went on he became a better bad writer so as to make reading the books guilty pleasures; the handful of boner lines in this volume are bad, but they're not so bad that they're entertaining. No, they're mostly kind of dull and drab. For your suspect delectation I noted a few of the better lines:

An aura of evil emanated from the crab, a force that was far in excess of its physical atrocities. It was a reincarnation of the Ancient Mariner, compelling an audience.

It was hunting - for human victims!... Once again the giant crabs had proven their supremacy over mankind. This was just the beginning.

She reached down and fondled him, her fingers demonstrating their expertise even on a morning following a night which had seen one of the most terrifying battles in history.

Mercifully he passed out before the razor-sharp incisors which had amputated both his legs found hold on his neck and beheaded him.

1989 Dell Books reprint

Compared to two other pulp horror '70s classics that I enjoyed, Killer Crabs is unremarkable. Unlike The Manitou, which has the utter conviction of Masterton at the helm no matter how ridiculous the story gets, or The Rats, which has Herbert's colorful vignettes of English life, Smith's novel just sorta hangs around, going through the motions with a desultory air. The plot is banal simplicity itself, the "characterization" de rigueur: the fearless, seasoned fisherman, the oversexed female with a secret, the ex-con with a secret, the big-game hunter with a secret, the scientist with the hot wife (but of course!). There are a couple cool moments however: a drunk discovers a severed head; various politically-incorrect sex scenes; an exploration of a coral reef cave that houses not the monster crabs but dozens of poisonous sea snakes. That was creepy.

 Original UK edition, New English Library, May 1978

Alas, Killer Crabs is not particularly gripping, with no surprise or "what the fuck" moments; it is more by-the-numbers than a cult classic should be. If you can find it for cheap, as I did - the Signet '79 edition is readily available, but the Dell reprint is pricey - pick it up if you like creature horror. Of course, my lack of enthusiasm about the novel will not stop me from picking up more of the series when I can, if only for the cover art alone.